Self Harm – some tips and advice
Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body. Some of the reasons that people may self-harm include:
- expressing or coping with emotional distress
- trying to gain a sense of control
- a way of punishing themselves
- relieving unbearable tension/pain
- a response to intrusive thoughts
- on going mental health issues
Self-harm may be linked to difficult life experiences or painful memories that are happening now, or in the past. It can be a way of dealing with intrusive feelings/thoughts or overwhelming situations and experiences beyond the young persons control. But sometimes the young person does not know the reason to why they are harming.
The reasons to why a young person self harms can also change over time and the nature and meaning of self-harm can vary greatly from person to person.The reason a young person harms themselves may be different on each occasion and should not be presumed to be the same.
Self-harm is most often described as a way to express or cope with emotional distress.There are many possible causes of emotional distress. It may be one major life issue or a build-up of many smaller things that lead young people to self-harm.
Some examples include:
- being bullied
- pressure at school
- family arguments or relationship problems
- money worries
- low self-esteem
- anxiety or depression
- gender identity
- sexual identity
- grief after bereavement or loss
- physical or sexual abuse
Self-harm and suicide
There is evidence of a clear link between suicide/suicide attempts and people who have previously self-harmed, One of the reasons may be because if one begins to feel suicidal and they have already practiced hurting their bodies, they may find it easier to hurt themselves lethally. As self-harm is a strong predictor of future suicide risk any young person with a history of self harm is especially vulnerable.
However it is important to remember that not every young person who self-harms intends or wants to end their life. For some describe their self-harm as a way of staying alive and coping with severe emotional distress. For many Self-harm may actually be a way of protecting themselves and preventing suicide.
In both instances it’s important to guide the young person to professional support as reducing self harm is key to suicide prevention.
Things to do and not to do – Self Harm
Open up methods of communication…..
Don’t force them to talk about it
Give them the option to come to talk to you….. ….IF they want to. This helps them to know it does not need to be kept a secret or wrong to talk about
Ask them if they want to talk about what, if anything led to the individual episode of self harm
Don’t assume every episode of self harm is for the same reason
Ask them what, if anything they would like you to do to help……….
Don’t assume what they need or take any action without discussing it
Recommend and encourage them to seek professional help, coping strategies, support groups, support forums etc……
Don’t force them into going to get help (unless in immediate danger) and take control away from them (they may not be ready; forcing this may cause them to withdraw from you)
Let them remain in control as much as possible (many people who self harm feel they have a lack of control over their lives and feelings etc.)……
Don’t try to make them stop self harming (e.g.by removing self harm tools) or give them ultimatums or do things that they are not comfortable with.
NEVER ask them to ‘promise’ they won’t harm themselves…………This will only add more pressure
Learn as much as you can about self harm………….
Don’t jump to conclusions or tell them its is wrong
Show them that you care and can see the person beyond the self harm………..
Don’t change your perspective of them as a person (They are an individual, not a ‘self-harmer’!)
Be positive. Try and focus on their strengths……
Don’t be negative, their self harm does not change everything about them
If they tell you they have just self harmed, stay calm and ask if they want to talk about it or need any medical help (despite how you may feel, try not to show it)……..
Don’t get angry with them, shout at them, or show shock after individual episodes of self harm (you may feel this way but expressing it may cause more harm and make the individual feel guilty)
Get help for dealing with and understanding your own feelings and emotions……
Don’t blame yourself or take it personally
Only help as much as you feel able too. You need to look after your own health too. You need to maintain some self preservation, supporting someone else can be emotionally draining…….try not to blame them for making you worry or talk about how much this is impacting on you, this may make them feel even more guilty and lead to further self harm
Offer ideas for distractions and talk about things not related to self harm, watch a film together, go for a walk together etc but respect requests for time on their own…..
Don’t assume that they always need to talk about the self harm if they are low or not allow them any time and space alone
Please also refer to this useful booklet produced by the Welsh Government on how to support young people who are self harming or have suicidal ideation.
Guidance created in consultation with KRD Training